— note : DADDY'S HOME YALL.

voh thoda sa trauma aur uske baad aur zyada trauma hogya tha but dw sher is back😈

AND haqiqat mae kaafi jaldi khatam karne wali hu like only 25 chps honge in my opinion kyuki maine bola bhi tha apni stories par ki ye book kaafi hi choti hogi, aur ek aur baat ye filler chapter hae aur bina motivation ke likha hae so please just bare with me.

ABHIMAAN

vridha is staying at the hotel and i absolutely despise it, i wish i could bring her home with me and keep her safe, right in my arms.

i know all i had of her was a vivid memory of her clutching my hand tightly and never wanting to let go that night, but i can't help yet feel things about her that can't be named, emotions that are too soon to arrive but i still feel its already late.

i pace around my room, my chest absolutely heavy with an unrecognisable uneasiness that i tried so hard to ignore but failed, this nagging discomfort of something feeling off, like a hint that my world is going to fall apart, is making me lose my mind.

i lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling as i let my mind run crazy with thoughts, the what-ifs in my brain eating every ounce of peace and comfort in my body, replacing it with nothing but a beating heart.

the room was pitch dark as all i could see was the shine of my watch that reflected on the mirror, creating a tiny ray of light, i couldn't help but wonder about vridha's presence.

is it okay to let someone you met a few days ago corrupt your thoughts so much? giving them the freedom to control your emotions when they're not even physically present in the room? the idea of letting vridha break through the walls i carefully built for years is all scary yet intriguing.

everything is so easy with vridha, i don't have to try my best and be on my best behaviour, i don't have to force myself to laugh or smile, it's all natural, everything with her feels natural.

she risens my heartbeat yet she's the only one who can calm it down, vridha is bringing back the little guy who enjoyed the thrills of life until life decided to snatch it all away.

i rummage through my pants, pulling out my phone as i text her number for the first time.

A- are you asleep?

i typed down those words, hoping to see the 3 dots but all i had was an empty screen with just 1 text, that was mine.

the uneasy feeling in my chest kept increasing every second as i decided to dial her number

"the number you're trying to dial is currently switched off, please try again later"

my breath hitches as i hear the phone automatically hang up, a million possibilities of something happening with her slapping my face as i rush down the house with my car keys in my hands.

it was raining heavily but all i had in my mind was to see vridha safe in her room, there's a possibility of her just falling asleep while her phone died, but my heart tried to warn me that it might not be the case.

i drive towards her hotel in speed, breaking all the speed limits, my hands clutching the steering wheel as i hold my heart on the sleeves, i was scared, absolutely devastated as i kept on murmuring under my breath the same words i always repeat

"i'll always save you vridha, please wait for me."

i walk towards the receptionist, my heart beating rapidly in my chest the uneasiness still not leaving my body while all i could do was just hope.

"did someone named vridha malhotra check in? can i get her room number?"

the person in front gave me a very fake polite smile as i quickly slide her 1000rs before she even denies saying its breach of privacy.

"my wife is angry and left before i could talk, it'll be very helpful if you could let me know her room number"

her eyes shined bright looking at the 1000rs on the table, she smiled and typed on the computer screen giving me hopes only to break it into pieces as she said

"she cancelled her booking 2 days ago."

2 days ago? why? and why am i not aware about this?

"did she tell you why?"

the receptionist gave me a boring look, probably wondering if i am a crack but nothing mattered to me anymore, all i wanted to know about was vridha.

the anxious feeling in my chest kept on growing, what if she tries to end her life again? what if when i reach her it'll be too late? what if i lose her again?

my heart kept on racing, i am sure she wouldn't have gone back to her parent's house but right now even a slight hint about her whereabouts could be helpful.

usse itni mannato se maanga tha mahadev se, abh paa kar usse khone ka dard mae phir sehna nahi chahta,

ye dhadhkan uske bin abh dhadakana nahi chahti,

ye dil abh uske bin rehna nahi chahta.

sitting inside the car with a box full of letters on my lap, still in front of vridha's house the only thing that rolled in my head was if i should read these letters or not.

an old lady probably in her early 50's recognised me the moment i rang their door bell, her words were short and polite but i knew in her eyes that she wanted to say more.

she handed me this box

"vridha ka hae, sambhal ke rakhna"

the letters she wrote to him.

dear rain,

i am sitting inside the aircraft, peaking at every strange face entering through the door while i wait for the airplane to takeoff but my heart is secretly hoping it could meet those familiar curious eyes again.

i don't know if you coming in my life is another of destiny's plot-twist or a huge climax but i know for a fact that

bhale hi tumhe meri kahani ka ek ahem kirdaar na likha ho, par tum humesha vo ahem kissa rahoge jisne mujhe jeena sikhaya hae aur aaj ussi ke bin jeena bhi sikhaya hae.

i don't know how to express my feelings as even the words i am trying to scribble down fail me

defining you in words is hard

because you are like that pretty necklace that catched my eye,

that small "she's pretty" from strangers passing by,

that cute little girl who waved at me on my way home,

and that one friend who waits for me while i'm tying my shoe laces so i don't feel alone.

you are my little happy moments,

the moments that makes me feel alive.

you are my will to live,

and the reason why i want to survive.

flying in the air as i look at the ground from above, breathing the same air as you for one last time before i leave forever.

kya ye sabh likha huva hae? humara milna aur tumhara mere tute tukdo ko jhodh kar phir chale jaana, kya ye sabh likha huva hae abhimaan?

- your girl, forever yours.

kisses xoxo, october 2024 (present)

— aesthetics :